I am stuck between a real life and also PC games :3

Hello peeps, back again~ well as usual life as a graphic designer kinda harsh if you unable to manage it properly. But then again most of my free time, I either spend it on watching some nice TV series or by playing games. At the moment of time, I'm getting back to the PC games that I left for 3-4 months :3 which is Call of Duty:Modern Warfare 3. Yeah MW3!!

Here is the Youtube Channel of mine that I've uploaded most of it~ the nicest KDR (Kill Death Ratio)~
http://www.youtube.com/user/leflameboy88 and please do leave a comment or share it to your friends :3.

Cheers~

February

What's up people! I don't know why, or how or any reason for  a suddenly posting this. Maybe, I need to let it all out from this heart. For some reason, for some excuses.. I don't know.

All of a sudden lately, I felt down. I mean, totally.. down, emotion, temper, angry, rage.. you name it.. Its all in my mind now. I feel like I'm a time-bomb, ready to blast it off, leaving nothing, no regrets..

Started since early of this year.. not that I found 2013 is a bad year.. but things happened a lot.. Financial problems, fixing over expensive laptop, savings to get new laptop, sulking alone, thinking too much...

What I've realised that.. I'm not moving.. not even once.. haunted by my past.. tried to fix it, but still helplessly wont happened.. suprisingly those have connection/relation with me avoiding.. well they have a new life, moving to towards their future... But me, I'm still stuck.. stuck helplessly.. in hoping to fix it, for better.. probably one of the reason why.. I felt those negative feelings... but I can't help it.. I can't..

I'm BACK!

DeFuk.. hahaa setelah sekian lama~ im back. find a good, nice, calm day~ to sit and type/write/kemengarotan and.... talking trash.

awh well seems like i've been absent for few months and its nearly a NEW YEAR. yet, life still goes on and on and on..

guilty im still think of her, cant move on~ but i give my self a try to change a bit here and there.

hopefully :3 changed alot~ and yeap i missed my fellow comrade, friends, my besties, my bro's. :3 been a hell of a year my fellow awesome people. i been through hell of the year XD which im proud to say, i made it through a year. :D and there is more awaits for me :3

so, im sry for those that im unable to reach, to be kind. it just my mind was stressed up with love life and works. those dont believe me please ask my close frens, :3 went out of work at 9am, came home at 4am nextday. then went to work at 11am or 12pm, then came home at 5-6am nextday or i spend the whole hour working till next 9am :/

and yes serious-shit. THIS IS THE LIFE as graphic designer :3

-capise? :p

the day..

as to day~ it's 10th of february, i realized im always in rage and super sensitive, tho depending on whom. see, im a guy that can be considered SPOILED BRAT, acted like childish, tho i love to act like i dont know bout the world, not to say, i've been through all this BULLSHIT in this world, but still,i pretend im a guys with no knowledge, yes, some people looked down on me, including my own dad, but hey, i dont mind, yet i manage to suprised him with the world knowledge, it knowledge. the point im acting like that is because, i wanted to make people shut up when they are wrong. it like u won an award by just make people silence to u when they know, that people that they always LOOKED DOWN isnt some one that is new to this BULLSHIT world.

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i say thanks to my dearest friends that with me and been patient with my JERK ASS ANNOYING WANNA KILL attitude. see, that was what true friends r, being with you no matter what, telling the truth for the better good. i say thanks to Rizam, Zackery Zainal, Mus, Afiq, and Panjang. i say thanks alot to them for understand me well and know what been going through my head this past few month, and when i needed them, they were there, listening to my IDIOTIC RISK NOT THINKING FURTHER babblered everyday and i know deep inside, they were sick of that attitude but u know, true friends is helping u when u fall, giving a helping hand to help them get back on their feet.. that's what true friends are. yes again i say thanks to all of you from bottom of my heart. as i know i might sound girlish yes, but u see im thanking because u guys know HOW TO APPRECIATED me as WHO i AM, accepted me as i am a human being that have lots of IMPERFECTNESS and sometimes have very loud n FOUL mouth. as i am doing my best being there for you guys, trying to help whatever i can as long as it's within my reach. and i do appreciate you guys so much in return.

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sigh~ although i know i kept on mumbling bout my life on FB and blog, i just needed a place to scream my heart out. to tell my pain, whomever listening or not. it not for pitying me, but i need to let it out of my chest as i am, a person always keep to himself but until when those stuff will be able to keep and locked inside? it will be a disease and cancer for me, it will make me unhappy for no reason.

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sigh again~ not that now i realized i missing something important to me, i realized that im not worth to think of it. a past is a past, you can't turn back the time, and once im being hurt, its hard to gain my trust. i will be a bad person, i will be the mentally ill, it just me, like to being a villian, the bad guy, the evil. as everyday, when i went out for smoke and im alone, i tend to feel helpless, sad, stressful, and yes, kept thinking bout her. the only thing that can make me forget bout her now is, my friends, my colleagues, my work, and my game. tho i don't know till when this kinda thing will make me survived and stand up once again.

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for no reason, these few days, i have trouble to sleep, my brain can't stop working. my eyes are swollen, i think i've turned from polar bear to panda~ ahahaha.

wishing that these upcoming weekend will be a great weekend, probably i just need rest from thinking bout my work~

-end-

I've lost my chances to say how much I LOVE YOU when you've been taken away by my own best friend

Sometime I wished that i could sell my soul to the Devil himself, it just seems like what ever I do, I have no luck, no confidence, and undecided. I would sell my soul in exchange for a better life, or luck or confidence.

It's just like this, there is one girl, I could be barely know her, but what I love bout her is her smile and her laugh. The problem is she like/love my own best friend. Unfortunately, he (my best friend) is not into her, just take her as someone to be FB (fuck buddies), because he just broke up with his girlfriend/scandal. So he is taking her as a replacement to fulfill the empty slot of life.

Well bout the girl that I like, she doesn't even see the act. She was so blinded with looks, untill she didn't realize that she was being a fooled by my own best friend. I just couldn't stand to watch this because I have the feelings towards her and I know what kind a person my best friend is. I was too painful to see the other night when both of them was drunk. I wished that time I was blind, numb, just to bear the pain. It just not fair for this life 2006-ish till now. Love life is depends on looks, wealth, and car.

I just wished that I have the strength to say I in love with her, or maybe just say that I have crush on her earlier, so that maybe it could turn things around. I just wished....

Penat nak explain... biar lah dlm puitis... haha

Memang susah kalau dah suka. Setiap hari teringat si dia. Bila hilang tiba-tiba rasa nak bertanya. Seganlah pulak bila orang lain bertanya kenapa. Bila dah jumpa semula. Gembira hati rasanya. Nak bertegur dengan si dia. Takut pula dilupakan sahaja. Bila bertegur sapa. Si dia pula buat- buat tak layan pula. Pening rasanya kepala. Setiap masa bertanya kenapa. Apa salah silahnya. Berfikir seperti membuang masa. Tapi apakan daya kalau orang dah tak mahu memberi tahu kenapa. Membuat kita terpinga pinga. Sakit hati pun ada. Buat kita rasa separuh gila. Cuma diminta alasannya kenapa. Dengan harapan dia memberi peluang kedua. Harapan kedua cuma persahabatan semula. Kalau tak mahu memberi jawapan jujur tidak mengapa. Berilah tahu kepada kita beralaskan penipuan pun terima. Dengan rela pergi tak bertanya. Tak akan pandang semula buat kali kedua

This Is Me Read!

Im a guy that remember simple little things bout my frens, no matter who they are, i remember them. maybe not from name, but face i still do so.

Im a guy that see things in different way, by mean u said its nice i say it is not, coz its have its own sense of qualities.

Im a guy that live in a past, see in the past, remember things in the past, would like to move on but couldnt.. why.. coz there is something missing that i havent yet reach out or achieve.

Im a guy that need forgiveness and second chance, coz by GOD's name, i do learn my lesson by my mistakes that i made.

Im a guy that will said things truthfully, honest. the 1st thing that comes out of my mind. its a pain in the ass to hear my words. but thats what makes me different.

Im a guy that is said friendship is the most important in life. becoz, without them i might not be influence n not be who i am now.

I am weird coz i do act different. I am creepy coz i can remember little things. I am freak coz im both creepy and weird. SO? gladly to this is me and this is the only thing that makes me different than other people that most of my frens know. so, it might be pain, but then i take it as a compliment from whatever people will say to me.