as to day~ it's 10th of february, i realized im always in rage and super sensitive, tho depending on whom. see, im a guy that can be considered SPOILED BRAT, acted like childish, tho i love to act like i dont know bout the world, not to say, i've been through all this BULLSHIT in this world, but still,i pretend im a guys with no knowledge, yes, some people looked down on me, including my own dad, but hey, i dont mind, yet i manage to suprised him with the world knowledge, it knowledge. the point im acting like that is because, i wanted to make people shut up when they are wrong. it like u won an award by just make people silence to u when they know, that people that they always LOOKED DOWN isnt some one that is new to this BULLSHIT world.
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i say thanks to my dearest friends that with me and been patient with my JERK ASS ANNOYING WANNA KILL attitude. see, that was what true friends r, being with you no matter what, telling the truth for the better good. i say thanks to Rizam, Zackery Zainal, Mus, Afiq, and Panjang. i say thanks alot to them for understand me well and know what been going through my head this past few month, and when i needed them, they were there, listening to my IDIOTIC RISK NOT THINKING FURTHER babblered everyday and i know deep inside, they were sick of that attitude but u know, true friends is helping u when u fall, giving a helping hand to help them get back on their feet.. that's what true friends are. yes again i say thanks to all of you from bottom of my heart. as i know i might sound girlish yes, but u see im thanking because u guys know HOW TO APPRECIATED me as WHO i AM, accepted me as i am a human being that have lots of IMPERFECTNESS and sometimes have very loud n FOUL mouth. as i am doing my best being there for you guys, trying to help whatever i can as long as it's within my reach. and i do appreciate you guys so much in return.
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sigh~ although i know i kept on mumbling bout my life on FB and blog, i just needed a place to scream my heart out. to tell my pain, whomever listening or not. it not for pitying me, but i need to let it out of my chest as i am, a person always keep to himself but until when those stuff will be able to keep and locked inside? it will be a disease and cancer for me, it will make me unhappy for no reason.
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sigh again~ not that now i realized i missing something important to me, i realized that im not worth to think of it. a past is a past, you can't turn back the time, and once im being hurt, its hard to gain my trust. i will be a bad person, i will be the mentally ill, it just me, like to being a villian, the bad guy, the evil. as everyday, when i went out for smoke and im alone, i tend to feel helpless, sad, stressful, and yes, kept thinking bout her. the only thing that can make me forget bout her now is, my friends, my colleagues, my work, and my game. tho i don't know till when this kinda thing will make me survived and stand up once again.
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for no reason, these few days, i have trouble to sleep, my brain can't stop working. my eyes are swollen, i think i've turned from polar bear to panda~ ahahaha.
wishing that these upcoming weekend will be a great weekend, probably i just need rest from thinking bout my work~
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